Dream it, then do it

Cause And Effect

2012-02-29T01:21:00.003-08:00

Hooray! I have my Followers back.
For months I haven't been able to see the Follower icons on my blog page. Then last week my browser decided to update itself and they reappeared. I've now been able to become a Follower of some of you who befriended me since they vanished. It feels like a reunion.

A number of incidents at college has brought the theme of 'consequences' into my mind. This can make a good plot-line if done cleverly but I'm not sure if I have the skill to do it. This is the series of events which made me think of it:

Students have been congregating under the stairwells at each end of the building. They are not supposed to because they are fire exits but we have been turning a blind eye to it. Recently the areas have been left strewn with litter, graffiti has appeared on the walls and damage has been done so we have now put them out of bounds. Thus the consequences of a minority have now spoilt it for others. I had to explain this to a group the other day and ask them to move. One of them gave me some lip and kicked his basketball against the wall in temper. I confiscated the ball and took his name. When I checked the student database I discovered he should have been in a lesson so this has now been reported. The consequences of his tantrum has resulted in inconvenience for himself and a reprimand from his teacher. In addition I now know his name and will be keeping a check on him.

Now the theme is in my head I can't get rid of it and I know it will drive me mad until I can come up with something. I suppose that's a consequence of my over-active mind.

Those Pesky Kids Again

2012-02-11T04:08:00.000-08:00

The college rang me up last week asking me to return to my job as general supervisor until the exams start in May. Since the January exams finished things have got a bit boisterous again and they think it's better to have three of us during the middle part of the day instead of the usual two. Nothing serious has gone on, just horseplay and high spirits. I was delighted to return and relished the challenge. I haven't been able to use any of my experiences in my writing yet but I'm collecting the little incidents and hoping that one day something will come together.

The other day I was walking along the corridor towards the theatre when I saw a youth coming towards me wearing grey trousers and matching jacket. As our paths crossed I did a double take when I noticed his swastika armband. I suddenly remembered there were drama exams going on and soon saw lots of others in costume. For a split second there though, I thought that the extracurricular activities had gone too far.

Back in December the Art Department installed a Wish Tree in the reception area. This is a piece of artwork on the wall with a number of lengths of twine stretched down it from top to bottom. Staff and students are encouraged to write a wish on one of the tags provided and tie them onto the twine. Some have expressed personal desires for family health and wealth and to pass their exams while others have sent out wider prayers for global peace and the end of world poverty. Here are two that made me chuckle:

“I wish I was a size 12.”

“I wish my mum would let my dad out of the cellar.”

On a different subject – have you heard about the uproar concerning the Woman's Own writing competition? It's all explained in Helen Yendall's blog. However, many competitions do treat the writers with respect and I'd like to mention one here. A few months ago estate agents Peter Barry launched a short story competition on the theme Moving Home. This was judged by writer Anne Aylor and the results were promised for January. As often happens, many more submissions were received than had been expected. However, instead of making us wait longer, the shortlist of twelve was revealed bit by bit as the entries were sifted through so that we were given something to look forward to each day. I didn't make the list but I enjoyed reading the winners and still have a story that I might be able to recycle. It was nice to feel that an effort was being made to keep us informed on the progress of the judging.

Back To Normal

2012-01-27T03:53:00.001-08:00

The end of January already and I've just completed my last bit of exam duty at college until the summer. I also had the chance to resume the supervisory work I was doing before Christmas because one of the two permanent team members fell ill for a week. A third opportunity has arisen with the need for cover staff for the college library. I passed the interview and will shortly be undergoing training. With three jobs at the same place I feel a bit greedy. But it will still only amount to a few hours here and there.

Both my writers' clubs have resumed their meetings. The invited speakers, workshops and competitions for the year ahead are being finalised. Even Blogger seems back to normal after sorting out its recent problems. I can now start leaving comments again.

Payment for my accepted story at The People's Friend has appeared on my bank statement but I still haven't seen it in print yet. Can't be long now surely?

Also had a call from Marion Clarke at Yours magazine to say they have accepted my last submission.

I have had five stories accepted by five different magazines now, plus a newspaper and an anthology. I feel gratified that so many editors think I can write a bit. They can't all be wrong, can they? The worrying thing is that no-one has come back for a second one yet. It's amazing how a tiny bit of success can still leave you paranoid isn't it?

No Nudity On My Watch

2011-12-21T03:02:00.000-08:00

Well that's the end of my stint as a student supervisor at the local college. Just looking forward to a few days next month as exam invigilator. It has been an interesting experience. I've loved every minute and I've learned a lot.

The corridors are full of posters. Many of these posters display academic information which has been put together by students of the different faculties. Therefore I've managed to get a bit of an education merely by patrolling past the classrooms. For example I've learned about chemicals associated with death. Poisons such as cyanide, strychnine and arsenic. Gases associated with dying – cadaverine and putrescine. Chemicals used in forensics such as formaldehyde. I have read articles on philosophy, psychology sociology, art and literature. I have discovered what career options are open to students of music, dance and media studies. I found out what the college does to support students with various disabilities and it came as a shock to me that a student can arrive there, having struggled to gain several GCSEs, only to be diagnosed with dyslexia. Surely, in this day and age, it should have been picked up sooner? I now know what mobile phones can do to the capillaries in the brain (something to do with breaking down proteins) and I understand that scientists now think they know what causes ME (something to do with retroviruses – whatever they are).

I've also learned never to underestimate the stupidity of youth. Here is where I explain The Bilborough Challenge. There are four floors and two lifts. The idea of the challenge is that a student gets in one lift on the bottom floor and makes their way to the top while removing all their clothes. They then run along the top landing, past the student lounge, while carrying their clothes. They get into the other lift and get dressed on the way down. It seems harmless fun but if anyone is caught it will go down on their record. We managed to discourage it this Christmas but they got up to other things instead.

Many of the misdemeanours are trivial. Dropping litter, feet on the tables, paper planes off the balcony – stuff like that. Some infractions are more serious and have to be dealt with appropriately. A lot of the time we are trying to stop them injuring themselves. They seem to think it's o.k. to take short cuts across the furniture until one of them slips off a table top and sprains their ankle. They think it's macho to take swigs from a bottle of chilli sauce until several of them get it in their eyes and we have a first aid room full of kids needing treatment.

Fridays are always sexual health day. There are various items they can pick up for free in addition to the opportunity to get checked out. This results in the staff having to clean out the student lounge of inflated condoms, tables covered in spermicidal cream and underwear with 'I've been screened' printed on. In my day they just told us not to do it until we were married.

Having said all this, they are capable of channelling their energy into more productive activities. Just in the few weeks I have been there they have raised hundreds of pounds for various charities via a Santa fun run, a sponsored head shave and selling cakes. Despite the usual stereotype image of idle students, many of them work extremely hard. Even on the final day of term, when Christmassy-type activities were going on all around, I saw many in the refectory, in study areas and sitting under stairwells with their books out. They were either reading, testing each other or scribbling notes. I sincerely wish that they achieve all that they deserve.

A Merry Christmas to them all. And of course to you, my fellow bloggers.

Wish I Was Here...

2011-12-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

I've done this in a bit of a rush because I've only just read about Janice Horton's Reaching for the Stars book launch day and Wish I Was Here... event on Angela's blog.

The pictures are all places in Singapore. First is Raffle's Hotel. Couldn't afford to stay there but it is open for the public to walk around and go in the shops and bars. Second is the Pan Pacific hotel which is down the road from Raffles and where I actually stayed. Third is a view of Chinatown.

I've been there five times and it's my favourite destination.

Christmas Party

2011-12-09T06:53:00.000-08:00

Wednesday was Nottingham Writers' Club Awards Night and Christmas Buffet. I nearly didn't go because my throat is really sore and my voice has been reduced to a whisper. (It doesn't help having to shout at those pesky college kids). But, as you can see, it really was worth the effort.

The large one is the Jubilee Cup awarded for a story suitable for radio. The next one is for Verse of the Year which I won in March and mentioned on this blog at the time. The small one is the Dai Orridge Cup for being an enthusiastic newcomer and supporting the competitions. I also received a book token for various top placings in the quarterly prose competitions.

Our president Roy Bainton was there to hand out the trophies. My friend Carol also had some success as did Angela who unfortunately could not be there. There was plenty of food. We had quizzes, jokes and party pieces.

I've been a member of NWC for about fifteen months and have really enjoyed the chance to mix with other writers and publishers. The benefits of joining groups such as this are tremendous. I've tried to enter as many competitions as I can, not necessarily for the prizes but for the challenge of writing to a theme and a deadline and for the judges' feedback.

The committee work really hard to put on events such as this and I've just been asked to be assistant to the treasurer. I haven't really contributed much in the way of committee work yet but I'm sure I'll have plenty to do in the New Year. I joined the club to profit from the knowledge and experience of other writers and now it looks like I'm going to have to earn those benefits.

Also just learned that my short story appeared in the Lincolnshire Echo the other week. We don't get that in Nottingham but they kindly sent me a PDF version and I was amazed to see that it filled a two-page spread. I managed to print it out on nine A4 sheets and stuck it all together. Also, my story that People's Friend asked to be edited has now been accepted.

Getting Down With The Kids

2011-12-02T06:57:00.001-08:00

Well that's two weeks spent as college supervisor. (Less one day for the public sector strike). I don't think I'll be able to gather enough material to be the next Gervase Phinn but there have been a few interesting encounters:

Scene 1.
** Two girls and a lad come out of the lift.
Me: Hold it, you three. Have you all got lift passes?
** Only staff and disabled students are allowed to use the lifts.
All 3: No.
Me: Let's see your ID then.
** The two girls show me their ID.
Me: O.k. you two can go.
(To the lad) You're Lloyd aren't you?
Lloyd: How do you know my name?
Me: I've seen your picture on the database.
Lloyd: (Now getting a bit alarmed) What database?
Me: Your details are on a college database.
Lloyd: What, a special database?
Me: Oh you're special all right Lloyd. Don't let me catch you again.
** We have access to the student database so that we can identify them and know which class they are supposed to be in. I can even quote their GCSE results at them which freaks them out. I love this job.

Scene 2.
** I'm walking down the corridor past one of the recreation areas where two girls are sitting having a conversation.
Girl: Excuse me.
Me: Yes?
Girl: Do you know what a mongoose is?
Me: Yes it's a sort of furry thing with a long neck. A bit like a ferret.
Girl: Oh. Not a sort of chicken then?
Me: Because of the goose connection?
Girl: Yes.
Me: No. Believe me it has no feathers. In fact I think meerkats are part of the mongoose family. I think I read somewhere that in India they use them to kill cobras. Why do you ask?
Girl: Someone just called me a mongoose. Because I have quick reactions.
Me: There you go then. Quick enough to catch a cobra.
Girl: O.k. thanks.
Me: No problem. If I see any cobras in the corridors I'll call for you.

Scene 3.
** I'm walking through the student lounge and a girl is sitting alone on one of the sofas.
Me: Hello, Stacy.
Stacy: How do you know my name?
Me: You showed me your ID the other day when I caught you on the lift with Lloyd. Remember?
Stacy: You must have a good memory.
Me: Not really.
Stacy: Are you Security?
Me: No. Just a supervisor. I'm here to make sure you don't damage college property. Or each other for that matter.
Stacy: Cool. Say, can you do this?
** She lies on the floor and starts writhing about.
Stacy: This is called 'The Worm'.
Me: I'm not going to get down there and do that.
Stacy: Why not?
Me: I'd look ridiculous.
Stacy: Doesn't matter. You have to live a little. Do mad things.
Me: I've done mad things. I don't really want to any more.
Stacy: Have you ever run naked across a bridge?
Me: Certainly not.
Stacy: Have you ever drunk a whole bottle of tomato ketchup?
Me: Why would I want to do that?
Stacy: What have you done?
Me: I've seen the pyramids, I've climbed Ayers Rock, I've swum with the fish on the Great Barrier Reef in Australia...
Stacy: Oh, I've had a fish pedicure.
Me: Well, that is exactly the same thing.
** A young lad has heard part of the conversation and comes across.
Lad: I've been to Australia. I'm moving there with my family after my exams.
Me: You'll know all about Ayers Rock then.
Lad: (Looks puzzled) What?
** It was time I moved on by now. As I left the room I heard Stacy say “What a nice man.” I love this job.

Another New Experience

2011-11-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

Another turn of events this week.

A temporary supervisor's position has come up at the local college and, through my work there as an exam invigilator, I got the job. It's just a few hours each day until Christmas. I get there in time to supervise their official morning break and leave just after lunch. There are two ladies who do the job on a permanent basis and they have been looking after me.

The students are 16 to 18, studying for A levels. Most of them want to be there, are hard working and serious about getting to university. A small number are just there to party and I've had to reprimand a few for giving me lip and ignoring reasonable requests.

Nevertheless I'm enjoying every minute and I'm keeping my eyes and ears tuned for any inspiration for future stories. We've recently had a tip-off that some sort of prank is about to be pulled. I'll say no more except that we're on streaker alert at the moment.

Had a story accepted for the Lincolnshire Echo this week. This is for a competition organised in collaboration with Writing East Midlands which I learned about from Helen Yendall's blog.

Also managed to get hold of a copy of Ireland's Own through my son working over there this week. So I may have another possible outlet for short stories.

Reading Aloud

2011-11-17T00:50:00.000-08:00

I went along and supported my local library last night on their second Reading Aloud event. This is where you can go along and read out anything that takes your fancy. There were about twenty of us – about the same number we had last March – and again we had a good mix. These are the ones I can remember:

A bit of Pam Ayres. Not poetry but a book about her family life and a hilarious piece describing her attempts to learn French.
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café.
A couple of Walter de la Mare poems.
Gervase Phinn – always popular.
A couple of the pieces reflected this time of year with WW1 books The Monocled Mutineer and Testament of Youth.

In the interests of blogger solidarity I chose to read out a passage of Frances Garrood's The Birds, The Bees and Other Secrets. I picked a piece near the beginning where Cass's mum tries to teach her and her brother the facts of life. It went down very well and I had difficulty finishing it with all the laughter going on.

By the end of the session we had come to several conclusions:

War is terrible.
If you can learn to read you can learn anything.
Kids don't read enough these days.
The English language is magic.
Anybody who closes down libraries should be shot.

Phew!

2011-11-05T02:13:00.001-07:00

It's been a heck of a week again.

Wednesday I was due in at college for some more exam invigilating. There are a few exams during November so I get the chance to go in for a day or two. My timetable said I was needed for a 1.15pm start but I got a call from the administrator just after nine in the morning asking why I wasn't there. I thought I had read my timetable correctly but she asked me to get there as soon as possible as they were short staffed. I shut the computer down, changed into cycling gear and locked the house. I went down to the changing room as soon as I arrived and decided not to have a shower but to get changed and dash straight up to the exams office. When I got in (out of breath and red in the face) she was most apologetic as the top half of the timetable had somehow been deleted before it was e-mailed out and several others hadn't turned up either. So it was a hectic day but at least it wasn't my fault. I hate it if I let people down.

In the evening it was Nottingham Writers' Club manuscript of the year competition where we take in our little stories of 250 words max and have them read out anonymously by a team of readers. We then all vote for our favourite. I was one of the readers and anxious to do my best so that each entry was presented at its best. The theme was 'stormy weather' and it was fascinating for the number of different ways this was approached. Some entries used it as an analogy for stormy relationships. Others used it in the conventional sense with rain and winds causing danger to shipping and flight delays. I didn't win but I still got something out of the effort and from hearing the other entries.

Thursday morning I logged in to find I hadn't won Helen Yendall's mini saga competition either. Having read the short listed entries I could understand why. You can read the top five stories on her blog here. Amongst them is fellow blogger Patsy who came second.

Thursday afternoon I received an e-mail from Jill Finlay at The Weekly News to say that one of the two stories I had submitted had been accepted. Yippee!

Crikey!

2011-10-30T02:42:00.000-07:00

I read in the news the other day that, because of the popularity of text speak, traditional British words are dying out. So I think it's the duty of all of us to reverse this trend and start to introduce some of this vocabulary back into our work. This is my attempt and I expect you all to follow my example. See if you can guess which are the words in danger of dying out before clicking on the link above. Not sure I've used some of them correctly.

“Cripes!” exclaimed Dickens as he threw down his newspaper in disgust. “What bally awful news.”
“What is it?” enquired Darwin. “What malaise is troubling your mind? Has the tomfoolery of the rambunctious masses exploded into civil unrest?”
“Verily, if that were all that is wrong,” replied the renowned raconteur. “See for yourself.”
As the famous scientist picked up the sheet, the door opened and in walked their friend.
“Salutations!” declared Gladstone on entering the room. “And felicitations on your latest novel Mr Dickens. Rather a spiffing yarn I thought. I understand it has been lauded across the land.”
“Load of balderdash if you ask me,” said Darwin.
“Don't be such a cad,” said the novelist. “If I were a fighting man I would smite you down and quash those unkind sentiments of yours.”
“A woman is jilted by her betrothed and remains shut away wearing her wedding dress for the rest of her life? And that Pip seemed a laggardly fellow to me. Betwixt the two of them, I don't know which character was the most unbelievable. Unless I am lacking in some arcane knowledge.”
“For a naturalist you are unnaturally rude,” said Gladstone. “I thought it was a swell piece of fiction.”

I'm Romantic (Sometimes)

2011-10-24T01:03:00.000-07:00

Just a short trip up the M1 to Chesterfield on Saturday to take part in Sally Quilford's workshop on pocket novels for My Weekly and People's Friend. Also there was my friend Carol from Nottingham Writers' Club. It was a fantastic day. Sally is very friendly and relaxed which rubbed off on all the attendees. As well as learning the dos and don'ts of writing romance for these magazines we all had a lot of laughs. In addition, I swapped blog addresses with a couple of the other participants so my writers' network continues to grow. So if you get the chance to go to one of Sally's workshops I thoroughly recommend it.

Just to show that I did learn something (or not – you decide):

Keith's lips brushed Sally's cheek as they embraced and said their goodbyes. Turning swiftly away before his rugged good looks betrayed the sadness in his eyes, he left Chesterfield Market Hall wondering if they would ever meet again.

I'm Friendly (Usually)

2011-10-21T01:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Angela at Fonts and Fiction
for my Friendly Blogger award. Angela is a colleague at Nottingham Writers Club and often posts examples of her poetry and prose. If you like beautifully written descriptive material and brilliant scene-setting then please go along and have a look.
I think most of the blogs I follow have already received this award so I have just these two to pass it on to. As far as I know these have not yet been honoured and they are both very friendly.

Frances Garrood

A Mission Impossible For The Dark Fantasy Nightwriter

It's A Funny Old Game

2011-10-12T01:12:00.000-07:00

It's a funny game this writing lark isn't it? At Trowell Writers we held our annual prize giving day on Sunday and it was the best turnout we'd had for a few years.

Since I've been extremely busy this year with magazine submissions and various competitions I only put one entry into the short story section this time. I thought the plot was a good idea at the time but when I read it back to myself it didn't flow as well as I'd hoped. It was a story based on the Three Wise Men but you weren't supposed to work that out until the end. I had done some research and used ancient names for the characters and also for the various places they travelled through. In other words I was trying to be a smart-arse. The completed work seemed a bit laboured but with the deadline approaching I sent it in anyway not believing it would get in the top three.

You've guessed haven't you? I wouldn't be telling you this otherwise and the picture is a bit of a giveaway. It won. Not only that, I was given the award for the best overall piece across the various categories. The judges said that they liked to see someone stretching the vocabulary but cautioned me not to overdo it.

This is me doing my impression of Nobby Stiles. You have to know about 1960s footballers to get that one.

Mixed Fortunes

2011-10-07T05:13:00.001-07:00

It's been a mixed couple of weeks.

Received a rejection of four stories from Yours magazine. Another rejection from an agent. Didn't get in to the top places of the Red Cross short story competition for Day of the Disappeared.

As I'd hoped, the winning entries for the Didsbury Arts Festival short story competition have appeared on the website. You can read them here

Still have a few competition results coming up so there's plenty to look forward to. A couple of workshops as well to keep me busy.

One small piece of good news. Came second in Nottingham Writers' Club summer short story competition.

PS
My blogger has been acting up again. Sometimes my headings (Create Blog, Sign In – that sort of thing) are appearing in French. I don't know if this is connected but some of my comments haven't been appearing on your posts either. I can only apologise. Je m'excuse.

Still Busy

2011-09-25T02:27:00.000-07:00

In my last post I said there was plenty to keep us busy and I wasn't wrong. In case you haven't heard, Reader's Digest magazine are running a 100 word story competition.

Cornerstones also have a competition. Send in the first 100 words of your manuscript to win a critique on your full-length novel.

Had a call from a lady at Erewash Writers' Club with news of another workshop in November. Only £3-50 including buffet so that sounds a worthwhile exercise.

As if I didn't have enough to do I've been persuaded to become Nottingham Writers' Club's assistant treasurer. I don't know anything about keeping accounts but, as I'd already ducked a few other requests to help out, I thought I couldn't turn down this one. As it turned out the treasurer himself didn't turn up on Wednesday so I had to hit the ground running by collecting fees from non-members. That meant going home on the bus with twelve quids worth of loose change in my pocket. At least no mugger would want to run off with that weighing him down.

Found out I was just out of the top three with a highly commended in the Didsbury Arts Festival short story competition. The theme was 'maps' and once I had worked out a story I enjoyed writing it. At least I have another story I can put away and possibly use another time. I hope they are going to put the winning entries on the website so I can see what I was up against.

New Season

2011-09-19T03:27:00.000-07:00

Thanks to several of you fellow bloggers out there plenty of competitions have been brought to my attention recently. Plus, with both my writers' clubs in full swing after the summer break and a few workshops coming up there's plenty to be getting on with.

The domestic cricket season has ended and all three cycling Grand Tours are over for this year so there's nothing to distract me from getting down to work.

But wait a minute. The Rugby World Cup has just started, England's cricket tour of the subcontinent will be coming up soon and my own pedal-powered racer is beckoning me from the garage.

Aaaaargh!!!

A Real Friend

2011-09-04T01:31:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought nothing much was happening as far as my writing was going, something turned up. I have quite a few submissions 'out there' to magazines, competitions and agents but nothing has come back for a while. Even a rejection would be almost welcome just to prove my entries aren't disappearing into some Royal Mail black hole.

Then Saturday morning I had a reply from People's Friend. Not an acceptance unfortunately but not an outright rejection either. The first thing that impresses me with PF is their response time. I posted my submission second class on Tuesday and received the reply just four days later. Previous recent submissions have also been acknowledged (rejected) within a week so this wasn't just a one-off.

The letter from Shirley Blair explained very clearly what they liked about the story but also why it wasn't quite suitable for PF. Some suggestions were offered for the dialogue and the ending and I have been encouraged to amend the script and resubmit. I'm not aware of any other magazines that do this.

I must admit I've found it hard to find the right balance with PF. They have a traditional readership but still deal with themes such as crime and hardship. It's not all domestic issues and romance. So I suppose I'd better get on with it. Hopefully my first story in PF isn't too far away.

Busy Busy

2011-08-21T01:13:00.000-07:00

Busy week just gone.

Monday, my wife offered my services to go and paint the church hall. As a non-churchgoer I was surprised they couldn't find any volunteers from the congregation. Blessed are the painters and decorators.

Tuesday we went to check on my mum who is 90 in a few weeks and just decided at the eleventh hour that she is too frail to attend her grandson's wedding. Fair enough really. If you can't please yourself at that age when can you?

Wednesday was our first visit this year to Nottingham Theatre Royal's classic thriller season. Death By Fatal Murder was a spoof Agatha Christie-type murder mystery. Next week it's the more conventional Strangers On A Train. Looking forward to that.

Thursday was results day at the college where I work during exam season. Some happy faces. Some not so happy. Not a good idea to let your mum tag along when you know you've not done very well. At least use the bus ride home to think up some excuses.

Friday was the wedding. My son, Robert and Poppy, his bride. Under the bandstand at Sheffield's Weston Park. Glorious weather. Couldn't have been better. Even the guy who wandered into the tent and helped himself to a drink while we were outside having photos taken gave the day an unusual talking point. A few coppers amongst the guests managed to send him on his way. Could be an idea for a story...

Summer's Here

2011-08-05T23:54:00.000-07:00

We seem to be well served with writers' clubs where I live.

Trowell Writers have packed up until September. We had our annual summer fuddle on Monday night. A few sandwiches, cakes, sausage rolls.

Nottingham Writers Club also has a summer break. Wednesday was their social and took the form of a murder mystery night. A few nibbles also on offer.

Erewash Writers held a two-hour workshop over Wednesday lunchtime. I'm not a member here but they often take part in some of the Trowell events and vice versa. A couple of us paid our £3 and went along. I thought it was two hours well spent.

Just results day coming up in a couple of weeks and that will be the last of my duties at college until the retakes in January.

With all these 'seasons' coming to an end it feels like old fashioned school holidays at the moment. And with the news that the story I sold to T-a-B Fiction Feast back in April has finally appeared in the latest (September) issue plus the fact that I've sold another to That's Life! (Australia) I'm starting to get into holiday mood.

Success, Sales, Sorry and Solder

2011-08-02T05:04:00.000-07:00

A bit of a mixed bag today:

I was fortunate enough to win Helen Yendall's mini-saga competition and you can read my entry and the runner-up on her blog here.

I've learnt that 100 Stories For Queensland has gone on sale in bookshops in Australia. It probably won't happen in the UK but it still gave me a buzz to see a picture of a book featuring one of my stories sitting next to the latest James Bond.

Next – an apology. For quite a while now Blogger has stopped displaying my Followers. I can't see anyone else's Followers either. The space is there but no icons with your lovely smiling faces. I know there are some new visitors who have left comments so if some of you have become Followers and are a bit miffed that I have not returned the compliment then rest assured that I have created a folder in the Favourites section on my browser for your links.

Carol of Carol's Corner has been giving me some tips, when we meet at NWC, on how to get my Followers back but so far nothing has worked. I've been on the Real Blogger Status site but that seems to assume I know all about domains and layered security (what?). It's not my computer because I get the same problem on my wife's laptop and the machines down the library. So if anyone out there has any ideas then all contributions are welcome. Being an engineer I'm a bit ashamed at my inability to sort out a technical problem. My excuse is that my degree in electronics was taken before all this computer black magic came along and when we were barely out of the valve era. Any faults could usually be fixed by a dab of solder. In fact, when my dad taught me how to solder, the soldering iron wasn't even electric. You had to place the tip in an open flame in order to heat it up. How I long for those simple days...

Do It Now

2011-07-26T00:36:00.000-07:00

A subject that seems to crop up quite often in the blogs I follow is procrastination and there's a feature on it in this month's Candis. I really must get round to reading it sometime...

No, seriously, I did read it and it recommends The Procrastination Equation by Dr Piers Steel.

We often joke about it but the consequences can be serious if it impacts your health, your finances or your job. Apparently there are three types:

1. Arousal - the thrill of getting close to deadlines
2. Avoidance - fear of failure
3. Decisional - lack of confidence

Fortunately there are techniques to overcome the problem:

1. Find out what's stopping you
2. Put distractions out of sight
3. Break down your tasks
4. Proritise
5. Share your problems with a friend
6. Reward yourself
7. Don't lie to yourself
8. Commit some time to the tasks you should be doing

I shall make a start on that list straight away. Starting with number 6.

What's In A Name?

2011-07-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

As names are in the news a lot lately and the Tour de France reaches its climax this weekend I thought I'd combine the two for this post.

No! Don't go away you non-cycling fans. This isn't really about cycling. I promise.

Some of the things I find fascinating about international sport are the strange names that you come across. And professional cycling is no exception. Most of the riders in the Tour de France and other major touring events are European and it must be a commentator's nightmare to try and get their tongue around some of the more bizarre names. Others are easily pronounceable but just plain unusual. Two have always stood out for me.

Firstly, Djamolodine Abdoujaparov. He was a specialist sprinter from Uzbekistan and nicknamed The Tashkent Terror. In his time he won a few races including several stages of the Tour de France. As far as I know, at twenty three letters, his is the longest name ever to appear on the Tour.

If you have ever watched clips of the Tour you may have noticed that individual riders have their own fan bases and it is a tradition, for those fans who line the route, to chalk their heroes' names in big letters in the middle of the road. I always wondered if Abdou's fans had to get up earlier in the morning than the others to make sure they were not still writing when the peleton came through. I also wondered if they were able to fit his name on those narrow mountain roads or whether they had to wait for a dual carriageway to cram all those letters in.

Another thought occurred that the most annoying spectator must be one of Abdou's supporters who stands at the side of the road waiting for his hero to come past and shouts “Give me a D... Give me a J...”. He must still be shouting “Give me a V” when everyone else has packed up and gone home.

The second name which has given me hours of amusement over the years is Vladimir Karpets. He is a Russian rider, not as successful as Abdou but pretty useful nonetheless. I've always wondered if he's a submissive kind of guy who lets people walk all over him. Or if he's ever been in trouble and the police have tried to fit him up. Does he suffer from crushed piles? Does he wear a rug? I could go on but, if you're as sad as I am, I'm sure you can think up some more.

Back Down To Earth

2011-07-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't win the 2 nights at a Best Western Hotel. (See previous post). I didn't get anywhere in the latest Nottingham Writers' Club competition either. After the successes of the last few months I've been brought back to reality. I know I shouldn't be greedy and you can't win 'em all but I still felt a bit down. I suppose it's a good thing really. It was getting so I could hardly get my head through the door. And then a wonderful thing happened.

On Friday, out of the blue, I received an e-mail from one of the ladies at NWC. She hadn't had a chance to speak to me at Wednesday's meeting but wanted to let me know how much she had enjoyed my winning short story from the Winter competition. (See 28th May post below). Not only did she commend me on my content and structure she thought my punctuation was spot on too.

It's nice to win cups and prizes but, after all, they are just a measure of what others think of our work. That e-mail was worth several trophies to me. The fact that she had taken the trouble to write in detail about my effort gave me a big boost. Like most of you, I write to entertain other people. It's good to know I'm achieving my aim.

Best Competition

2011-06-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Patsy Collins again for posting a link to another fun competition. Here you can win a Best Western weekend break with just 300 words. If you go on their blog you can read some of the submissions including my own entitled 'Unwelcome Guest'. You only have until Monday but it's only a few words so - what are you waiting for?

Exam Time

2011-06-17T01:29:00.000-07:00

Patsy Collins has posted a link for a competition asking for true stories about odd things happening in exams. As an exam invigilator this should be tailor made for me but I can't really recall anything that merits a 300 word story. I have a few observations about the experience but I don't think they fit the brief of the competition so I'll just share them with you here:

It never ceases to amaze me how many kids insist on bringing phones and iPods into the room (which they have to leave at the front) but don't think to bring pens or rulers etc.

I'm astounded that they are sitting A levels in stuff like physics and computing but if you ask them whether they are sitting in rows A to L or rows M to X they haven't a clue which side row F is in.

Geography students have trouble finding their way to their desks (or even getting to the correct room).

Maths students can't work out the finishing time for an exam which starts at one fifteen and lasts an hour and three quarters.

They have to bring a photo ID card and place in on their desk so that we can go round and inspect them after the exam has started. But since the photo was taken they've probably changed their hairstyle or hair colour, lost weight or had piercings so it's difficult to be one hundred percent sure. Even with the boys.

I wish young girls would stop asking me if I can lend them a rubber. I always make sure to call it an eraser when I ask for it back.

Turning To Crime

2011-05-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I found out that, after coming third in Nottingham Writers' Club autumn short story competition, I actually won the winter one. The brief was to write a crime story with the theme of 'Identity'. Judging the competition was author Stephen Booth who has written a series of crime novels.

I have to admit that, when I submitted my entry, I wasn't sure if it would appeal to an established crime writer. My story was based on a lone hit-man rather than being a conventional cops versus criminals tale. As it turns out I must have done something right.

Stephen Booth has written several novels set in Derbyshire so, living on the Notts/Derbys border, they are of particular interest to me. Descriptions of familiar countryside and the mention of real place names gives his stories an extra edge. His two main characters are a sergeant and constable rather than inspector and sergeant and so the action is centred at a lower level in the police hierarchy than many other series such as Morse and Frost. If you like crime or fancy a change from your usual genre then I recommend you give these a try.

100 Stories For Queensland

2011-05-14T12:37:00.001-07:00

100 Stories will be released in paperback on Tuesday 17th May as part of an Amazon Chart Rush.

Readers are invited to purchase the book from Amazon on the day with the intent to capitalise on the volume of sales to move the book up the Amazon best seller list.

The book retails online for £9.99 and is listed here at Amazon.

Recommending A Fellow Blogger

2011-05-08T02:41:00.000-07:00

Frances Garrood very kindly sent me a copy of her second (I think) novel called 'The Birds, The Bees and Other Secrets'. It's really a woman's book I suppose but I don't mind admitting I read my wife's Jill Mansells and, of course, I have to research women's mags. It was an enjoyable read and should appeal to anyone who likes quirky characters. Because this is definitely a character-led story and I wanted to keep reading to find out what happens to them all. Some of the people in the story aren't even given proper names and even the various dogs that appear have their own eccentricities.

If you get a chance, please get hold of a copy of this book. I promise you won't be disappointed. You can't have mine because it has Frances' autograph in it.

This Is Me

2011-05-01T02:56:00.001-07:00

Jarmara Falconer at A Mission Impossible for the Dark Fantasy Nightwriter has kindly passed on the Versatile Blogger award to me. It requires me to tell you seven things about myself. However, as I did this a while ago for the Sweet Friends award I thought I'd tell you about my dad instead. Then you might get an insight into what makes me tick.

1. Yesterday was the 22nd anniversary of his death. He had just turned 66 which means that in a few years time I will be older than my father. That will be weird.

2. He stares back at me from a photo frame which sits just below my computer screen. People say I look like him. I take this as a compliment because he wasn't bad looking but I've never been able to see it myself.

3. He originally came from Norfolk and still retained some accent even after living in Tamworth, Staffs for forty years. If he ever got mad with us my brother and I would put on fake accents and mock him mercilessly. He never stayed mad for long.

4. On the last day of school term the teacher asked each child in his class if they could rub their stomach in a circular motion with one hand while patting their head with the other. (Try it – it's not that easy). My dad was the only one that could do it and for some reason this marvellous feat was rewarded with him being allowed out of school an hour early. Halfway across the deserted playground he passed the school bell and couldn't resist ringing it loud and clear. He was punished, of course, on his first day back.

5. When war broke out he volunteered for the navy but was turned down because he worked on the land which was a reserved occupation. When he finally did get called up they put him in the infantry despite having a dodgy leg. As a boy he had developed an infection and had to have his tibia removed. The army has never been renowned for its common sense.

6. He once received a certificate from Tamworth police for helping to apprehend a chap trying to nick stuff from Woolworth's one evening. Our house overlooked their back yard and dad had seen him climb over the wall. He had run off by the time a copper came so they drove round Tamworth in my dad's Ford Anglia till they spotted him. I think the guy pulled a knife at one stage. Exciting stuff.

7. The only piece of advice I can remember him giving me is 'Never mind your arse, mind your head, boy'. I don't know if this is an old Norfolk expression but I think it's a quaint way of saying 'Get your priorities right'.

So there it is. That's where I get my rustic sense of humour, my cynicism and my laid-back attitude. Thanks, dad.
I think all of the blogs I follow have recieved this award or something similar recently so I'll be passing this on when I've found some new ones.

On A Roll

2011-04-09T00:12:00.000-07:00

Coming hot on the heels of my surprise success at poetry I had another two pieces of good news this week.

After some delay the charity anthology 100 Stories For Queensland, which features a contribution from myself, is now due out on May 3rd. This is in aid of the survivors of the Queensland floods that occurred a while ago. Availability and pricing are yet to be announced.

On Thursday I had a phone call from Nora McGrath of Take a Break magazine asking about buying one of my short stories for its sister publication Fiction Feast. It was needed in a bit of a rush so I spent the morning downloading all the legal stuff to sign and send off in the post plus re-formatting my story and e-mailing it off.

I don't want this week to end.

Watch Out, Miss Duffy

2011-03-30T00:54:00.001-07:00

I've run out of library trivia so I thought I'd share this with you.

A couple of weeks ago Nottingham Writers' Club held their Verse of the Year evening. I don't normally do poetry but the theme was 'SatNav' and seemed like a good subject to squeeze a few rhymes out so I had a go. Unbelievably I won, so I present it here for your critical eye.

Voice of an Angel

Straight on at the next roundabout, keep left as you get near it
Approaching in a hundred yards, then take the second exit
Be careful on the carriageway, there's roadworks up ahead
You need to slow down now in case the traffic lights turn red

You've missed your turnoff, now I must recalculate your route
Turn left at the next junction while the journey I compute
This constant droning voice is really driving me insane
Dictating all my moves from motorway to country lane

It's starting to annoy me now and getting such a bore
I'm quickly losing patience and can't take it anymore
On every trip, that monotone keeps bossing me around
It's getting so I cannot bear to hear that awful sound

I got rid of that annoying voice, I threw it in the water
I bought myself a SatNav, now my journeys are much shorter
The young girl's voice is charming, I'm convinced she's heaven-sent
Unlike my wife who's body is now floating in the Trent

And if you want to hear me recite it, you can go to the Nottingham Writers' Club website at http://nottinghamwritersclub.org.uk/audio.shtml

Library Services

2011-03-20T00:48:00.000-07:00

My mother still lives in Tamworth, Staffs where I was born and raised and she always saves me interesting stuff from the local paper. I think most local newspapers have a section these days which focuses on the history of their particular area and the Tamworth Herald is no exception.

Because of the interest in libraries lately they took the opportunity to give a brief history of how they came about and how the one in Tamworth developed. Nowadays it's housed in a modern building but in the past it has been located in several different sites.

In the early days most libraries had a Reading Room. Tamworth's had a big open fire and was furnished with comfy armchairs. Apparently they were so comfortable that people would go in for a nice warm nap and so the armchairs had to go. On another occasion it was reported that 'single gentlemen of the borough, having done their washing, were using the Reading Room as a drying area, leaving items of personal clothing scattered around'. This, of course, was sternly discouraged.

Ah, those were the days...

Reading Allowed

2011-03-13T01:47:00.000-08:00

Continuing the library theme, I thought I'd tell you about an evening they held at my local last week.

The idea was that you go along and read out a favourite piece of writing. It could be prose, poetry, anything you like. I went along for several reasons: It sounded interesting, I like to do anything I can to support my library, it cost only £1, wine and nibbles were provided.

I was not disappointed. There were eighteen of us which wasn't bad for a chilly winter's night and the selection of reading material covered a wide range. There were classics such as Rebecca and the poem Kubla Khan. There was a novel called Duncton Wood which is apparently a bit like Watership Down with moles. A lady read out Psalm 23 (King James version). A gentleman read an extract from Spectator In Hell which is about the experiences of British troops in Auschwitz (some of us were not aware there were British soldiers in Auschwitz).

It brought to my attention some pieces of literature which I had forgotten and others which I have never read but may look up in the future. This was a good idea to make more use of our precious library service.

Shh...

2011-03-07T03:26:00.000-08:00

I went to another excellent night at Nottingham Writers' Club last week where we listened to novelist and psychotherapist Maxine Linnell. Maxine read extracts from her book 'Vintage' which is aimed at the young adult market and she explained where her inspirations came from. She reminded us of the time when, as a young girl, she regularly visited the library and borrowed books from the children's section. But it wasn't until the age of twelve that she was issued with an 'adult' ticket and a whole new world was opened up to her.

Nowadays there isn't such a strict divide. Booksellers are careful to market their young adult stock (can't call it 'teenage') so that it appeals to a wider range. There are also instances where the same book is given two different front covers - one that appeals to children and one for adults.

Maxine brought back memories of my own local library which had a similar arrangement. I don't think children were even allowed in the grown up's section and I remember once being told off for whistling as I entered the lobby. If you wanted any help you had to whisper. Now these institutions are open-plan and a combination of meeting place, temporary classroom and cyber-cafe. Infinitely more accessible, of course, but sometimes I still want to put a finger to my lips when someone rustles a newspaper a little too loudly.

Are You Trying To Be Funny?

2011-02-13T01:18:00.000-08:00

The question of how we come across when we write on the internet has come up recently and I've been giving it some thought. The subject was particularly relevant this week when I received an e-mail from a local councillor. It was in reply to a questionnaire that had been sent out and I had taken the opportunity to point out an error on the newsletter. He thanked me for my comments and asked if I would be interested in a job (unpaid of course) as a proofreader. I wasn't sure if he was joking.

My style of story writing is usually light-hearted and this is the tone in which I blog and comment. But I'm always afraid that readers may not understand that I have a dry sense of humour and so I always think very carefully before I click on that PUBLISH POST button.
I also read a few internet forums and comments pages and it often occurs that one contributor criticises another's comments only to be informed on a later post that they were trying to be sarcastic.

I'm not a big fan of text slang but I'm suggesting a couple of new ones to go along with 'lol' and 'imho'. How about 'oj' for 'only joking' and 'tic' for 'tongue in cheek'? A big cash prize for the first person to comment using one of these (oj).

Life's Experiences

2011-02-07T01:46:00.000-08:00

Well that's it for the time being. My 'proper' employment has finished until the middle of May. I'm referring to my stint as an exam invigilator at a local college and the temporary job I had at Tesco in the run-up to Christmas. And these two jobs could hardly be more different.

I love every minute I'm involved in the exams. It's a sixth form college so it's the students' choice to be there and the atmosphere is great. My other job at the supermarket was physically demanding and I don't think I've ever worked so hard in all my life.

Anyway, the point is, with such diverse environments I'm hoping to pluck a spark of inspiration from the two experiences and inject it into my writing.

I've actually had two pieces of good news this week. I came 3rd in Nottingham Writers' Club autumn short story competition and I've just found out I've been accepted in the 100 Stories For Queensland charity anthology. I think I'll celebrate with a bag of crisps from my favourite supermarket.

An Inspiring Film

2011-01-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

I went to see The King's Speech the other day. Really enjoyed it. I came away with three things on my mind:

1. I had been so engrossed in the film that I didn't realise I had been sitting there for over two hours until the credits began to roll.

2. It's a simple story. A man – albeit the King – has a speech impediment. He hires an expert to help him overcome his difficulty. The chap cures him. Yet they managed to string it out for two hours. Now that's how to tell a story!

3. I remembered one line from the film. It went something like this - “You don't have to fear the things that scared you when you were five.” Which, thinking about it, could be what the film is all about. In fact, that could form the theme for a whole lot of stories.

One Small Step

2011-01-18T04:13:00.000-08:00

I often see comments by writers in blogs and magazines who claim that almost every time they tell someone what they do for a living they get the response 'I'd love to write a book'. They then go on to reflect on why these people don't do just that so I thought I'd put forward my own ideas. To me it's very simple. Writing is BLOODY HARD WORK.

O.k. maybe it's not too difficult to think up a scenario and vague plot. But when you get down to the details of the story, characterisation, dialogue etc. it takes a lot of effort. I don't know about you but I sometimes agonise for ages over single sentences, even words. I sweat and I get headaches. Then there's spelling, grammar...

And the hardest part? Sorry to bring up a sporting analogy yet again but I used to have my own ideas about that too. I used to compete at triathlon. The races were what I looked forward to but the training took a lot of self discipline. And it didn't matter how cold that lake was or how muddy the the run course or how steep those hills were that you felt if you went any slower you might as well get off your bike and walk. Nothing compared with taking that first step out of the front door and forcing yourself to go out training. It could be a freezing January night or a hot summer afternoon when everyone else is outside drinking beer. Just to strap on your trainers and drag yourself from in front of the TV and go out and do the work - that's what took the effort.

So it is with writing. The first words are the hardest to come up with. So my advice would be to take that first step. Get a scrap of paper, a fag packet, a bus ticket, anything. Write a sentence and that's it. You're a writer.

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T00:30:00.000-08:00

A Happy New Year to all our readers - as they used to say in the Beano.

Is it really 50 years since Biffo the Bear wrote 1961 on a wall and stood on his head to prove it read the same upside-down? Of course it was - do the maths!

Those were the days. When teachers were literate, only men had tattoos and us kids were actually encouraged to eat the fatty bits on meat because it 'put hairs on your chest'. (Worked for me.)

How different it was then. Our soldiers were fighting in foreign countries, Coronation Street was the most popular programme on TV and Cliff Richard was belting out songs on the radio. Hang on a minute - maybe things haven't really changed that much.

Anyway, here are my predictions for 50 years from now.
Having celebrated their one hundredth birthday by having the Rover's Return regulars abducted by aliens, the Coronation Street boozers are returned to Earth as if nothing had happened but the population of Weatherfield don't seem to notice that they now speak in a strange monotone and can't bend their little fingers.
Cliff Richard is preserved as a hologram and is still touring the country to packed venues.
The President of the United States of Europe declares Britain to be an offshore penal colony.

Have a good one.

Every Little Helps

2010-12-11T02:33:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged here for a few weeks. I've been trying to leave a few inane comments around just to let you know I haven't died, emigrated or been arrested.

There are several reasons for this. First of all I haven't had anything interesting to say (nothing unusual there). Also, both of the writers' groups I'm in have broken up until the new year so nothing to report on that. In addition I've actually had some proper work to do. We had a training day at the college where I work part-time as an exam invigilator. The resits are coming up in January so there will be a few days work there. I've also managed to get a job at the local Tesco, stacking shelves on the night shift. This is just a few nights per week up until the new year. I've worked nights before when I was an engineer so no problem there. We're kept busy so the time goes quickly. It's a new experience so I'm hoping that I can pick up a few ideas for characters and plots.

I've also been busy writing. I've a few pieces out at agents and magazines and, thanks to all you bloggers out there who keep us up to date, a few competition entries have been posted out. So please continue posting news about courses, competitions and other opportunities. And any advice is always welcome. I need all the help I can get.

The Darkness Came

2010-11-19T03:49:00.000-08:00

For those of you interested in reading the winning entry of the Nottingham Writers' Club Manuscript of the Year competition, the author has posted it on his own blog here:
http://davidabowman.blogspot.com

And The Loser Is...

2010-11-08T05:44:00.000-08:00

Last week Nottingham Writers' Club held their Manuscript of the Year evening which I attended for the first time. It sounds grand but it is actually a fun affair where members can take along a piece of prose, written under a pseudonym. The entries are read out by a team of volunteers and then we all vote for our favourite, the votes are counted and the winner is announced. Maximum length is 250 words and this year's theme was 'The Darkness Came'.

The winner was a slightly racy story written from the viewpoint of a woman. It was a big surprise therefore when the big bearded chap sitting next to me revealed himself as the author.

Out of nineteen entries I didn't even make the top three but I know I didn't come last because one piece was disqualified for being a poem. That shows I can at least read the entry rules!

Anyway, as my effort will probably never see the light of day again, I thought I'd show it here:

Cold Steel

They say that if they told you what it would be like you would never go. But no-one could describe this. Not in words nor pictures. This hell-on-earth would stretch the combined imaginations of Brooke, Owen and Sassoon at their most eloquent. Where would they start? The noise? The mud? The threatening sky illuminated by exploding shells? You cannot describe terror. Only experience it.

A lone young soldier, disoriented by the smoke and commotion, is separated from his battalion. Stumbling into a bomb crater he confronts an enemy infantryman in an equally confused state. They both point their rifles but pause with fingers on triggers. He looks into the lad's face. Even younger than himself. Reminds him of his cousin, killed at Passchendaele. He tilts his Lee-Enfield down and fires. A splintering crack, a cry of pain and blood mixes with clay as the lad's knee shatters. The German goes down, dropping his own rifle.

He steps forward and leans over the figure. Not knowing whether the youth can understand he says. “You'll be o.k. Soon be home.”

And then he feels the hot, searing pain. Whoever coined the phrase 'cold steel' has never had a blade pierce his stomach. The last thought he has before sweet oblivion overwhelms him is his sergeant's voice.

“Look out for the bayonet, boys. If it isn't fixed to his rifle it's still on his belt.”

He never made a sound but his eyes cried for his mother. Then the darkness came.

And The Winner Is...

2010-10-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

Wow.
Teresa Ashby at A Likely Story has kindly passed on this Sweet Friends award which I'm happy to accept. I don't think anyone has described me as 'sweet' before but there's a first time for everything. Anyway, in the true spirit of the award I'm supposed to tell you six things about my writing.

1. I've always liked writing. Although I'm basically a technical person with a degree in engineering I've always put a lot of effort into the documentation side of the job. Whether it's reports, test routines or specifications I've tried to be accurate, clear and unambiguous. And when it comes to compiling a justification for spending lots of money on lab equipment it pays to be creative. So that's probably where my discipline comes from.

2. At the moment I'm trying my hand at different kinds of writing and hoping I'll meet with some success somewhere. I've written four short novels, about 80,000 to 90,000 words, and these are currently doing the rounds with various agents.

3. I've written loads of short stories for competitions and magazines with limited success so far. A few of them have had favourable reviews by other authors so... fingers crossed.

4. I've written a few scripts intended for stage and TV. Again, I've had some encouraging feedback and constructive critscism by people who have worked in the business.

5. I'm not very good with the descriptive stuff. My novels are basically adventures where things are happening all the time and so I tend to keep details about people and locations down to the bare minimum. I do try and convey things like atmosphere and emotions so that the reader feels part of the story.

6. I have put together a little booklet with stories and articles drawn from my experience as a cyclist. It has the catchy title 'Mummy, Why Does Daddy Shave His Legs?' and my wife has managed to sell a few when she's out at her craft fairs.

And now I'm supposed to hand out the award to six other people but, as I have a very short list of people that I follow, I shall pass it on to just three who have inspired me with their blogs. I apologise if any of them have already received one. They are:

Jarmara Falconer at A Mission Impossible for the Dark Fantasy Nightwriter
Olivia Ryan at olivia's oracle
Kath at womagwriter's blog

Never The Bride

2010-10-11T07:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the Trowell Writers' Trust annual awards day. I had an entry in the short story section and I thought I knew exactly where it would come. I've had so many second places over the last few years that I knew it would be runner-up. I could predict this with the same certainty that within one hour of switching the telly on tonight I'll see either a meerkat, a fat tenor or both.

This post was going to tell you how the result was a foregone conclusion because of the many second places I've had in this very same competition over the last few years. You were also going to be informed about my second place in Writers' News last year and the same result in the National Association of Writers' Groups the year before. To top it all off I've been narrowly pipped to the post for two job opportunities recently so excuse me if I'm feeling like the perennial bridesmaid.

I sat there listening to them read out the commended authors followed by highly commended and then honours and still my name hadn't been called out. Then it came to the top three and, maybe it was the excitement of the moment, but I suddenly felt optimistic. Why should I come second again just because it's happened so many times before. It doesn't always follow does it? After all, aren't I always going on about being persistent and never giving up? So I crossed my fingers and guess what? I came third.

Writing Exercise

2010-09-19T02:37:00.000-07:00

The postings of the last few days started off as an exercise at a writers' group meeting. The title was 'The Milestones Of Life'.
I didn't know what to do with it so I thought I'd just put it on here for a bit of fun.
So, to answer Jarmara's questions:
No. It wasn't a dream. Just a bit of (creative?) writing.
My plumbing is in excellent working order now. Thanks to Nottingham City Hospital.

Journey's End

2010-09-18T02:27:00.001-07:00

You Have Reached Your Destination

And what has life taught me?

Just this:

You're born

You die.

You just have to fill up the bit in the middle as best you can.

In Case Of Breakdown - Use Hard Shoulder

2010-09-17T08:17:00.001-07:00

Roadworks Ahead
Delays Possible

Just when I've got more time on my hands and I'm beginning to wonder how I'm going to fill the hours, life decides for me. I start visiting the men's room more often and spend more and more time in there. What's happening? The damned thing used to work alright. But don't worry. Help is at hand. I ring the breakdown service and the good old NHS arrives to put everything right.

Tiredness Kills - Take A Break

2010-09-16T07:46:00.001-07:00

Then I realised. It's not a milestone. It's a brick wall and in gigantic letters:

DEATH
From Now Till Eternity
No U Turns

I wasn't too concerned. It looked a long way off. If I kept it in my line of sight then it couldn't suddenly loom up in front of me could it? Will I never learn? They tell you not to rely exclusively on your SatNav don't they? Well, mine took me off the main road, down an embankment and into the icy waters. As I thrashed around trying to keep my ahead above water I noticed a sign on the river bank...

Road Liable To Subsidence

2010-09-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

I was getting the hang of it by now and decided to keep my eye on the ground for any other hazards along the way. Unfortunately this meant that I cracked my skull on the overhanging sign that said:

Recession Round The Corner
Keep Your Head Down

Well, my head rolled, along with a few thousand others. Still, not to worry. I'd learned a lot from my mistakes.
I had my wits about me now. Pushing sixty. Surely nothing could surprise me at this stage? A SatNav-like voice in my head told me not to worry and just keep cruising. Then I spotted something on the horizon. It looked like a huge milestone. Nobody could miss that...

Danger - Hazard

2010-09-14T08:15:00.001-07:00

The third milestone says:

Family Life
Screaming Baby to Stroppy Adult
30 years
Rough Road Ahead

I couldn't have been paying attention when I stubbed my toe on this one. The birth of my son came as a big surprise to me. I'm still not sure what caused it. My wife tried explaining it to me but it sounded so far fetched that I didn't really believe her. But, to be on the safe side, we never did that again!

Slow Ahead

2010-09-13T05:28:00.001-07:00

The second marker must have said:

Marriage
Honeymoon to Domestic Tedium
7 years
Turn Left

I must have still been groggy from stumbling into the first when I went sprawling over this one. So, it's not all lovey-dovey, a bed of roses and sweet kisses all day every day. How was I to know? Nobody told me about money worries, mortgages, arguments over whose turn it is to wash up, decorating, in-laws etc. etc. They should put up a big neon sign to warn you of the danger ahead.

Life's Milestones

2010-09-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

Milestones?

Can't say that I've seen that many on my journey along life's rocky road. My time on this earth so far has been one mad headlong dash down a steep mountain track with hairpin bends and blind corners. The milestones must have been those things I tripped over sending me flat on my face in the dirt.

The first one, I suppose, probably said:

Education
Infant School to University
16 years
Straight Ahead

It was a big shock to find that not all kids were the same as me. That some liked different TV programmes, some couldn't tie their own shoelaces or recite the alphabet. Some didn't even talk the same as me. Then there were the others, bigger and stronger, who would steal your Kit-Kat, push you around and generally make your life a misery. And the boys were just as bad. Getting to university was no different. For Kit-Kat, substitute girlfriend.

Let's Applaud The Writer

2010-09-06T07:34:00.000-07:00

My last post called into question the abilities of some of our most successful sitcom writers. This wasn't really the intention. It was just a talking point. So now I thought I would turn the argument on its head and defend the scriptwriter.

This time I'm talking about live performance. It has always irked me when people are only interested in going to the theatre when there is somebody famous in the cast. They go along to see a play with a perfectly good plot and excellent dialogue but only because so-and-so off Emmerdale is in it or what's-his-name who used to be in Casualty plays the lead. It's particularly upsetting when the 'star' of the show pulls out for one reason or another, audiences go into decline and the rest of the cast and crew are out of a job.

Here in Nottingham the Theatre Royal puts on a Classic Thriller Season every August. It is the same company every year and they put on a different play every week for four weeks. Members of the cast have served their time in various bits of TV, radio and theatre so they are no mugs. The point is – the actors are not household names but the playwrights are. They put on plays by the likes of Agatha Christie, Brian Clemens, J.B. Priestley etc. and it is excellent entertainment. They wouldn't keep getting invited back every year if it wasn't would they?

Each Spring the Nottingham Playhouse puts on a musical by a local operatic group. I went to see The Producers one year and was blown away. The brilliant acting, the flawless musical numbers and the slick scene changes proved that, although their status was amateur, the production standards were professional and no TV star could have enhanced the performance.

I suppose all this is just an extension of the celebrity culture we have nowadays. People are famous for being famous and seem to attract the attention of the masses. So what do I expect to be done about this? Just for people to think more about the entertainment that's on offer and less about the performers.

Are You Having A Laugh?

2010-09-02T01:45:00.000-07:00

I recently wrote a pilot episode for a sitcom and had someone take a look at it. The guy has worked on several television programmes and once had his own series back in the early nineties so he knows what he's talking about. He filled four pages of A4 with his comments telling me that the basic idea was good and it was funny but that it needed a lot of work. I've almost finished the rework and it got me thinking about classic comedies. Was the writing as good as we think?

Now I'm not going to question the undisputable talent of the likes of Galton and Simpson, Croft and Perry, Eric Chappell etc. But would their shows have enjoyed the longevity without the comic geniuses that starred in them?

My particular favourites are Dad's Army and Rising Damp and they still make me laugh. But when I watch them now for the millionth time I begin to wonder whether the script is really all that funny. Is it just the brilliant comedy actors that are turning poor jokes into pants-wetting crackers? In other words – is it the way they tell 'em? And just because someone has had a successful series are they allowed to get away with substandard stuff the next time? Because there have been a few turkeys on the telly lately.

I personally think Leonard Rossiter was in a league of his own and could probably make the telephone directory sound funny. So where does that leave us budding John Sullivans? We can't approach the BBC and say 'I know this script is crap but get David Jason and Julie Walters in it and it'll be a BAFTA winner'. For us unknowns I suppose we just have to try and make the first few pages catch the attention of the reader so that they are encouraged to read on and give us a chance. Just one chance... just a little bit of encouragement... please... the blokes down the pub think I'm funny... my mum says I was always making people laugh...

Man At Work

2010-08-30T07:59:00.000-07:00

Isn't creative writing wonderful?

Whether you think of it as a profession, a hobby or an occasional pastime you can always claim to be working. Are you like me, either planning the next phase of your WIP or thinking up future new plots? Ernest Hemingway once said that writing is long periods of thinking and short periods of writing and that's good enough for me. I can do it lying in bed while waiting to fall asleep or when I wake up before I get up. I can do it while shopping, out on a bike ride or listening to Test Match Special.

So, as a writer, how many hours a week do you think you work? I know that many scribblers claim to always have a notepad handy so they can jot down ideas that spring to mind. Some even have them by their bed at night. Now, as a former shift worker, I know that counts as triple time.

Unfortunately my wife also claims I can do it while, hoovering, ironing or decorating. So it's not all good news.

There's Always Tomorrow

2010-08-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

I gave Jarmara Falconer some advice the other day. Advice that I could do with following myself. It was about procrastination. Or rather about avoiding it. This is how my day goes:

Switch on computer. Log in. Wait for it to warm up, rub the sleep out of its circuits, stretch its peripherals. (It's quite ancient). Go on t'internet. Check e-mails. Go on BBC site. Check weather report. Go on my blog. Any comments to answer? Go on the blogs I follow. Anything worth commenting on? Go on Google Talk. Is my Chinese friend online? If so – type 'xia wu hao'. Have a bit of a chat.

Now I can get down to some serious writing. Go downstairs and make a cup of tea first. Come back. Maybe my friends have woken up by now so check e-mails again. Check blogs. Come on now, Keith. Get to work. O.k. What shall I do today? Novel, short story or sitcom? Oops! What did Ruth say she wanted for tea? Lamb chops. Go downstairs and take chops out of freezer. Go into garden and pick some beans. Peel some potatoes and slice the beans. Back upstairs – tea has gone cold. Go and get a fresh cup. Now then. Where was I? Ah yes. Open up writing folder.

Was that the front door? Hard to tell from the back bedroom. Go and check. No. Just the neighbours slamming their car door. While I'm here, how are the chops doing? Ah, defrosting nicely. Back upstairs. Any e-mails yet? No. Anything interesting on the news? Go on Daily Mail website. They're usually good for getting me irate about immigration or MPs' expenses or something. See a headline about Katie Price and immediately realise where this is leading. Get off t'internet and open up Microsoft Word.

Getting a bit hungry now. Is it dinnertime yet? Go and make a sandwich. More tea. Ooh! I see the sun is shining now. Seems a shame to waste the opportunity. Never know when it might show itself again. I know – I'll go outside for half-an-hour and read. They say you should still keep up with your reading, even when you're writing, don't they? So this can be classed as work really, can't it? Ah, this is nice. I'll just close my eyes for a couple of minutes. Maybe a brilliant idea for a plotline will come to me. Zzzzzzz...

Good grief! Is that the time? Ruth will be back from work soon. Better get the tea on. I promise I'll start chapter fifty six tomorrow – after I've thought about what to write for next week's blog post.

PS
It can be worse if there is a Test Match on. It can be even worse if Nottinghamshire are playing. If the Tour de France is taking place then forget it for the first three weeks in July.

Hang On A Minute, Lads – I've Got A Great Idea

2010-08-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

I had an idea for a story today. I thought what if...? But I don't want to talk about the idea. I want to talk about where it came from.

Can all stories be got from a 'what if?' question? Is that where creativity comes from? I don't know. Did Picasso think 'what if everything looked like a set of cubes?' or did Dali wonder 'what if I melted some watches and spread them on a landscape?' Should modern art be appreciated as an example of original thought in its own right or is it just inspiration for the more practically minded?

As a development engineer I was always interested in how thing got invented. Do you remember the old-style kettles? They had a broad base so that they could absorb as much heat from the hob as possible with a handle at the top away from the heat. When the electric version came out, all they did was put an electric element inside, a socket on the back, some rubber feet and 'hey presto!' - a modern marvel. Then someone must have said 'hey, it doesn't have to be like this'. They made a smaller base so that it took less room on the worktop, made it taller, fashioned it from plastic and stuck the handle on the side. Being a technologist, I could never see the point of art, let alone surrealist stuff. But now I wonder if the person had been looking at a Picasso when the kettle idea came to them.

I'm still no closer to finding the source of my ideas. It's probably not important. Maybe the important thing is to stop worrying where it originates from and just look after it when turns up. I picked up this link from Frances Garrood's blog. It's a 20 minute presentation by a guy who is really funny and seems to know what he's talking about. It's well worth a look.
www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

And if you recognised the quote in the title – Michael Caine, The Italian Job. Now that film WAS inspirational.

Thanks, Dad

2010-08-04T03:18:00.000-07:00

Olivia Ryan has recently had a post about the relationship between mothers and daughters and it got me thinking about fathers and sons.

Not the same is it? My dad only ever gave me one piece of advice. He was never very eloquent or demonstrative and preferred just to get on with life without analysing things too much. I'm fairly sure he was proud of me but he never actually said so. Dads didn't in those days. That was left to your mum. But he would do anything for anybody. Me and my brother were in the Boys' Brigade and, when it came to needing volunteers to transport us into the countryside for a camping weekend, he was first in line. Similarly, when I did a sponsored walk he put himself forward for marshalling duty. And this myth about modern dads being more 'hands-on' with the kids is complete nonsense. I remember him changing my brother's nappy (born 1956) and cooking our tea when he was home after shiftwork.

He died in 1989 aged 66 but he's staring at me now from a photo frame just below my PC screen. He's supposed to be egging me on with my writing but he doesn't. He's looking at me wondering why I'm wasting my time.

And the singular piece of advice? Bear in mind he came from Norfolk and had a rustic sense of humour. It was - “Never mind your arse, mind your head, boy.”
I think I know what he meant.

Teamwork

2010-07-31T03:25:00.000-07:00

Following on from the subject of community I began to wonder about the principle of teamwork. You see I've always thought of myself as a team person. I emphasise this in any interviews I attend – “I'm a team player, I'll do anything anything for the team”. I have no inflated ego and I've always loved any activity that involves working together with other people and it's as a team member rather than a community-minded person that I see myself. But then I began to wonder what the difference is. I suppose teamwork always invokes a youthful, sporting image whereas working for the community sounds like digging some pensioner's garden or litter picking.

Then I realised that is how I view writing – as a sport. You need things like determination, persistence and stamina for both. Like sport - I write because I enjoy it. Like sport – I'm not brilliant at it but I've won a bit of money. Like sport – it's a great topic of conversation. The list goes on. The idea of writing in an unfamiliar genre is similar to runners doing a bit of cycling or cyclists going for a swim – it makes a change and gets you out of your comfort zone.

You all probably have alternative ways of looking at your writing. Maybe as a collection of recipes with different styles relating to various flavours. Perhaps you look on your stories as babies – you give birth to them, nurture them and you have your favourites. It could be that this is happening in your subconscious and you need to think about how you view your craft. It might be that you have a more interesting slant on this. If so, you're probably a better writer than I am.

Community Spirit

2010-07-23T02:02:00.000-07:00

I accompanied my wife to a craft fair a few days ago. I trudged round behind her, my arms getting longer as she loaded me with bag after bag of paper, card and other paraphernalia which she needs to make her greetings cards. Was I fed up? Not at all as it gave me the chance to observe everything that was going on. I found myself drawn to other men who were performing a similar role to mine – carrying an ever-increasing load while trying to find space among the crowds so as not to cause an obstruction. We gathered around pillars, in recesses, behind corners and under stairs as we tried to avoid being jostled by eager crafters. We were like wildebeest at the watering hole - avoiding eye-contact with each other while staying alert for any predators i.e. the females who would come along to hang yet more plastic bags on our straining fingers.

There must be some sort of social chemistry going on here that would merit a scientific study and it got me thinking about communities. Not in the normal residential sense of the word but communities of people with like-minded interests. These women had gathered here from all over the place to learn skills and buy materials for their craft. Now, for some it is a hobby but for others it is a part-time occupation and they earn money at local fêtes and markets. These women could well be competing with each other for business at some Christmas fair but they still swap ideas, give advice to each other and generally help out with problems.

Then I thought back to a few years ago when I was a bit more athletic than I am now. I used to compete in Triathlon (swim/cycle/run) and entered races all over the country. When you do enough of these races you get to recognise familiar faces, strike up friendships and swap anecdotes. Again, although we were rivals during the race, there was always someone to give a hand before the start – help with a puncture, the lend of a swim cap or advice about the race route. Even during the race we would help each other from the water or shout encouragement during the bike section.

And that brought me back to my current pursuit – writing. We're all scrambling to get an agent, have a short story accepted by a magazine or persuade the BBC that our sitcom idea is the best thing since Dad's Army. Yet we have womagwriter helping us approach the likes of T-a-B and PF, plus other published authors and scriptwriters giving up their wisdom and acquired experienced to haul us lesser mortals up to their standard.

I've always been cynical about the qualities of the human race but maybe I should promise to stop reading all those stories about overpaid footballers, greedy bankers and talentless celebrities. I'll probably break that promise but at least I'll remind myself that these people are in the minority and the rest of us are decent, caring people.

Another promise I've made to myself is that the next time my wife takes me to a craft fair I'm going to take a wheelbarrow.

Garbage He Wrote - latest trials of being an aspiring writer

2010-07-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

Ideas He Thought Of (Or Nicked)

A colleague at the writers' club showed me her idea which I eventually copied. She enjoyed writing children's stories and had put a collection together, printed them out with a few illustrations and bound them between thin card with slidebinders. She had managed to sell a few at the annual prizegiving.

I bought one of these booklets out of interest but thought no more of it until I was wondering what to do with a few cycling anecdotes I had gathered over the years. I had been a member of a triathlon club for a few years and some of my training and racing experiences had not been without incident. I had already narrated a couple during our writers' meeting nights and they had been received with some interest and amusement. I had written them in first person although not all of them were based on personal experience. Some of them had been passed on to me by other cycling mates. I could bind them together as my friend had done with her fairy tales, put in a few articles based on my own opinions, add some pictures downloaded from the net, a few jokes maybe and I had twenty five pages of material. I know it's not a proper book but it's nice to see what your words might look like should they eventually get published.

This led me on to other ideas for anthologies. I had been thinking of putting together a set of stories on the theme of the miracle of Christmas. Maybe I could sell a few of these during the season. Then a similar thing for Easter. Could be a way of getting noticed.

Another source of feedback I have found to be good for morale is a website called writing.com. Opening an account is free of charge. You can put your own stories on the site for others to read and comment on or you can read stories from around the world and give your own ratings. I actually received one e-mail from the Philippines telling me how funny and brilliant they thought one of my stories was. It was written in broken English and really enthused about how amusing and thought-provoking my tale was. Of course, it wasn't all that good. Even I know that. But it's nice to know you've given someone a few moments of joy, even from halfway around the world.

Joining Trowell Writers' Trust was the best thing I did as far as my writing is concerned. We meet every fortnight (usually about ten of us) and the evening kicks off with people reading out anything they have done in the preceding two weeks. It can be prose, poetry or even something that has caught your eye in a newspaper or magazine. I generally use this opportunity to try out an idea I have had. If it gets a good reaction I can then take it away and work on it to produce a competition entry or a magazine proposal. I get my ideas from all kinds of sources: my own experiences, something I have seen in the paper or on TV, something my wife has said. I like the challenge of coming up with a story out of some mundane happening or comment. A while ago I had to spend a night in hospital for a routine operation. I wrote about my time there, added an eccentric character, a few ancient jokes and it received a few laughs from my fellow club members. I have already mentioned my cycling stories. Tales of falling off, meeting local characters, the strange clothes we wear all provide material for amusing subject matter or challenging articles.

After those who want to have read out their pieces our leader sets us an exercise. Sometimes she gives us a subject about which to write. Other times she brings out her list of racehorses names out of which we each draw out one and use it as inspiration for a story or poem. Another time we might draw from a list of headlines and a collection of pictures and then combine the words and images to create a story or article. At first I wasn't too keen on these drills. I was writing about stuff I wouldn't normally consider, sometimes in a style alien to my own. But eventually I realised the benefit of taking part in this. Being out of your comfort zone for a while is good for the soul. Doing stuff that is foreign to your natural tendency forces you to think hard and broadens your outlook. I now look forward to these sessions. I think of it as akin to a professional footballer playing golf in his spare time. It is still healthy exercise but a relaxation at the same time. It is both therapy and mental exercise. It makes a change from crosswords and sudoku.

Why do I write? It would be nice to be able to earn a living at it. Or at least part-fund my existence. Failing that, it is a powerful thing to be able to make people laugh. It is also exhilarating to make people cry (a much more difficult feat in my opinion). You can shock them, frighten them, make them think, make them feel ashamed. In fact, if you have the right skills, you can make them go through a whole spectrum of emotions within a few lines. Perhaps the old maxim is true; that the pen is mightier than the sword. Now there's an idea for an article.

Ten Things

2010-06-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

Olivia Ryan posted this link http://withinkfromthepinkpen.blogspot.com where you are supposed to divulge ten things about yourself. It doesn't say they have to be interesting facts so...

1. I'm in love with Carol Vorderman.
2. My first name is not Keith.
3. I'm in love with Joanna Lumley.
4. I've fallen off my bicycle so many times and in so many different ways I've written a book about it.
5. I'm in love with Cherie Lunghi.
6. My all time favourite film of all time is Ice Cold In Alex.
7. I'm in love with Felicity Kendal.
8. I don't know how to use a mobile phone.
9. I'm in love with Babs off Pan's People.
10. I have great difficulty taking anything seriously.

If you think I shouldn't have bothered, I agree with you.

Roy Bainton - Writing your Non-fiction Book or Novel

2010-06-20T00:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the third and last of Nottingham Writers' Club's summer workshops. Although not a household name, Roy earns his living as a writer. Whatever the job, Roy will tackle it. He has written history books, magazine and radio articles, TV scripts and has recently completed his first novel. He also writes for the music trade with work such as biographies and concert brochures. He is also a very funny man.
The day was packed with discussions on the various aspects of writing fiction and non-fiction, each section being accompanied by a 10 or 15 minute exercise. Very few notes were required to be taken as Roy is very generous with his handouts.
At the end of the day Roy announced a competition for all attendees to send him a 1000 word synopsis of our intended novels, with Amazon vouchers as prizes for the best three.
This was another day well spent. My thanks to Roy and NWC.

Editing Is Hard Work

2010-06-12T04:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. Having received some excellent encouragement from womagwriter and Jarmara Falconer I edited my piece for New Love Stories and sent it back. Thanks for that.
My problem was that since I first submitted the story a year ago they have reduced their wordcount requirements. So not only did I have to add some element to the story, I had to cut down 4700 words to 3800. The editing was harder than the original writing and now my brain hurts.

Out of The Blue

2010-06-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

Just had an e-mail out of the blue from New Love Stories Magazine in New York. I sent them two stories a year ago and had almost forgotten about them. Now their editor tells me that one of them, in its present state, is not exactly what they are looking for but suggests that I might like to revise and resubmit.
It just goes to show. You send stuff out and think it has gone down a black hole and then it reappears giving you fresh hope.
Is it worth my while trying to rejig it to their requirements or am I better off starting from scratch and sending them something new? Does anyone else out there have any insight into this type of dilemma?

Steve Wetton - Writing for Television

2010-05-23T00:08:00.000-07:00

This was the second of the summer workshops organised by Nottingham Writers' Club. It took place yesterday and, once more, was very good value for money.
Steve is an experienced scriptwriter who has had his own TV series and has lectured at university on the subject. His tutoring style is relaxed and everyone was made to feel at ease. There were no problems in encouraging people to join in the interactive exercises. The advice that he passed on is essential for anyone thinking of submitting material for TV.
Steve has also very generously offered to review one 30 minute script from each of the attendees if e-mailed to him over the next few months.

Garbage He Wrote - even more trials of being an aspiring writer

2010-05-18T23:55:00.000-07:00

Scripts He Wrote

My interest in the BBC as a possible target market developed from their 2004 End Of Story competition. I didn't get anywhere in it but it made me think about other things I could throw at them.

What else could I try? How different would it be to write a script rather than prose? I decided to give it a try. I know! I would write an episode of Dr Who. I would base it on a story featuring Isaac Newton (my interest in history coming to the fore again). I came up with what I thought was a clever little episode which involved some reference to actual events and which required a few special effects. Had I been aware of the BBC Writers' Room website at the time I would have known that they do not accept, or even bother to read, unsolicited scripts for existing programmes. Something to do with legal reasons and potential copyright problems. I did receive a nice letter from a member of the drama team explaining this.

On the face of it, this would appear to have been a complete waste of time but I don't regard any writing exercise as entirely fruitless. There is always some benefit to be gained. I look on it as an exercise in creativity combined with mental therapy.

As it happens, around about this time, I made friends with another aspiring writer. She had just written a murder mystery and was in the process of producing it with a local amateur drama group. I went along to watch the performance and was at once hooked. I already had a couple of ideas and immediately set about digging out my notes and preparing the script. On to the Writers' Room site for the BBC guidelines and address and off it went in the post. The thing about sending stuff to the Beeb is that within a few days you get a little postcard from them informing you that they have received your work. It even has the title of the piece typed on the address label so at least you know they've taken it out of the envelope and someone has taken the time to look at the top sheet. I bet Galton and Simpson didn't have to go through this but it makes you think that maybe there is a glimmer of hope there somewhere. Or is that just me being pathetic? There are probably hundreds of people doing exactly the same and getting their little postcards through the letterbox. After the excitement of the postcard it is actually several months before the rejection letter comes through the post. I was already prepared for this and immediately whisked off my next attempt.

Both of these first efforts were hour-long single dramas but for my third try I decided to have a go at a sitcom. I had just been made redundant from a local factory and had come across several interesting characters in my five years of working there. Their attributes ranged from humorous, bizarre, grotesque, eccentric, crusty, cynical and dim. I pitched my synopsis as breaking away from the standard domestic comedy and focussing on both the conflict and collaboration of management and workers in a working environment. Sound impressive huh? Apparently not according to Auntie Beeb. My postcard collection grows.

Not to be disheartened, I discovered on the internet a competition run by a renowned amateur theatre company. The requirement was for a one-act play lasting 20 to 30 minutes. Inspired by various TV ads, I soon came up with a little piece set around a supermarket checkout till. Intended to be a comedy drama, the action was based on the shooting of one of these advertisements and involved dialogue between the actors playing staff and customers as well as those playing the television production team. The plot incorporated a little twist at the end, delivered in the final line of the play. I called it Supermarket Creep, as a witty parody of the old Dale Winton programme, Supermarket Sweep (how do I think them up?). Over one hundred entries were received apparently from all over the world. I didn't make the top five but I still have the script on file, ready for any other similar competition. Nothing is ever wasted.

Another example of how things can develop is when I heard of a competition for a ten minute play. I came up with what I thought was a witty little thing, with a cast of two, about Hitler in a shop. But when I read it back it was barely three minutes long. Undaunted I thought it might make a decent comedy sketch so I tweaked it a little bit. Then I thought maybe it could be done with just one actor. Eventually I had ambitions for it to be done on radio, a bit like those one half of a conversation routines that Bob Newhart used to perform in the 1960s. It is still on file waiting till I have enough for a half-hour show.

Getting Involved

2010-05-16T01:35:00.000-07:00

I spent some time last week doing research for a local project. I was helping an arts organisation who specialise in community theatre events and create performances about the local history. Last year we did a couple of plays. First about how a housing estate had been built in the 1950s and how the community had developed over the years. Later we performed at a school which was closing down to become an academy. We showed how the school culture had changed over the years. It was interesting to see how information from interviews with residents, pupils and staff was used to create totally fictitious stories while still getting the information across to the audience. These plays were both informative and entertaining.
It is worth getting involved with things like this when the opportunity arises. I learnt from professionals how these productions are put together and how to weave a story around a set of facts.
Grab these opportunities when you can.
And today's quote is:
Creativity comes from a conflict of ideas.
Donatella Versace

Garbage He Wrote - more trials of being an aspiring writer

2010-05-09T05:13:00.000-07:00

Short Stories He Wrote

In the middle of writing what was intended to be my début novel I began to have self doubts. Not an unusual human condition I don't suppose but I wondered if there was anything I could do to suppress my uncertainty. The cavalry arrived in the shape of Trowell Writers' Trust, a group based just a mile down the road from me. The first year I entered their 2000 word short story competition with a tale set during the Indian Mutiny and based upon a newsreel I remembered seeing on Blue Peter during the nineteen sixties. It appealed to my interest in history and was awarded third place. The next year I got first for a story about a race between two milkmen. Encouraging stuff!

2008 was a bumper year, getting a second at Trowell and another second in the National Association of Writers' Groups (NAWG) short story competition. Towards the end of that year I also wrote a story which ended up with second place in the Writing Magazine short story competition. Three seconds in one year. Surely the big breakthrough cannot be far away? Buoyed up by this moderate success I pressed on with my novel but continued to build up a collection of short stories and looked around for possible outlets for them.

Some competitions give a critique to all entrants. Others offer feedback for those that pay an extra entry fee. It is worth looking out for these if you require professional advice. The amount of information you get back is limited but you can get some useful pointers from this source. And if the comments are favourable, the boost to your self-esteem is incalculable.

Apart from competitions, the obvious market appeared to be women's magazines. In recent years a few of these publications have reduced or completely abandoned their fiction content but there are still quite a few out there to pitch for, especially if you extend your scope worldwide. The essential course of action here is to actually read a few of your target issues and gauge the sort of thing they are looking for. Most of them will supply you with a copy of their guidelines. I am my own severest critic but I'm sure my tales are just as good, if not better, than most of those that appear in these publications. Yet the rejection letters continue to fall on my doormat as regular as double glazing flyers. Is it because I'm a man? Ooh! How could I think such bitter thoughts?

A friend I had met on a language course was also an aspiring writer and she had a few other friends who had similar ambitions. She had the bright idea of getting away for a few days to some secluded place so we could be creative with no outside distractions. So we ended up, six of us, in a remote cottage in Derbyshire armed with notepads and laptops. For my part it was a productive week. I managed to complete a 4000 word ghost story (which is still seeking an outlet unfortunately) and do some work on a couple of scripts I had in mind. My friend, who had already had one of her plays performed by an amateur group, was working on another script. Halfway through the week she roped us all in to do a read-through. It was an interesting exercise for me and a source of constructive feedback for her. Having other like-minded people around meant that there were plenty of sources of advice and criticism. All-in-all it was a week well spent and I would recommend it to anyone.

Blogs are another source of advice and assistance. Many authors who have been successful in the feel-good fiction field freely offer their invaluable advice. I find this quite moving. These people (mostly women I think) are actually volunteering the benefit of their knowledge and experience to potential rivals. Again, the necessity of persistence is raised. Tales of stories being revamped more than ten times in order to make them suitable for various publications are related. My collection of rejection letters grows by the month.

Overseas markets seemed to be worth a look. A few British magazines have foreign equivalents, the main areas appearing to be Australia, South Africa and the U.S.A. And remember, the Irish Republic, English speaking and not so far away, is also a foreign land. Fortunately some of these are now accepting e-mail submissions which makes life easier (and cheaper). An American site I found is asking for stories of up to 5000 words so I managed to run up a couple of yarns in a week. A few weeks later I got an e-mail back informing me they have been read and considered but at the moment space is at a premium. Is this good news? The normal reply is 'unfortunately this is not quite suitable for our requirements'. I'm willing to clutch at any straw of encouragement.

Bead Roberts – Writing for Women's Magazines

2010-04-26T02:15:00.000-07:00

I attended one of Bead Roberts' workshops at the weekend courtesy of Nottingham Writers' Club. This was excellent value for money and I would thoroughly recommend it for anyone intending to submit to a women's magazine. Bead has extensive experience in this field as well as writing for other types of publication and radio.
She covered characterisation, setting, plots, pace, dialogue, editing, presentation, markets as well as having time to answer all questions. Her tutoring style is excellent and everyone benefited from the course. This was a day well spent.

Garbage He Wrote - the trials of being an aspiring writer

2010-04-15T05:58:00.001-07:00

Novels He Wrote

It is July 2003 and I have taken voluntary redundancy from my job as an engineer at Marconi. Two days a week down the library using their Internet connection to search for jobs, a few hours at the learn-as-you-go IT workshop to brush up my skills and the rest of the time is my own. How to fill it?

Didn't I start writing a novel a while ago on my son's computer? Let's have a look. Ah yes! Here it is. A medieval novel. I've always liked history. The story of a 13th century friar becoming an unwilling participant in the struggle between Henry III and the English barons and being pursued all over southern England. A sort of cross between Cadfael and The Thirty Nine Steps (one of my favourite books). I smile at my clever comparison. A pity no-one else is around to appreciate my wit.

I resume writing in earnest, using every available hour to advance the plot. When the words are flowing my two-fingered typing is almost a blur. But the story doesn't always run easily and I hit mental blocks. Then questions arise. Should I have planned this better? Would it make it clearer if I drew a flow chart of the plot? Would it help to map out my hero's escape route? Do I need more characterisation? How do proper writers do it?

I start reading writing magazines and find books in the library which offer invaluable advice to the aspiring novelist. The more I read, the more I realise there is no wrong way or right way to write. Some published writers claim to plan everything out to the last detail so that when they write they know exactly what will end up on the page. Others admit to having the barest inkling of an idea which means that, when they begin writing, they haven't a clue how the story will end. I decide that my way is somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of literary creativity and am thus encouraged.

It no longer bothers me that I don't write my chapters in a straight sequence. Some days I want to pick up a dramatic scene towards the tail end of my story. I go back later and fill in the gaps. I worry no more that I am modifying the plot as I go along.

While all this literary energy is being expended I find local help is at hand and join the Trowell Writers' Trust. I am back in full time employment by now and cannot attend the meetings but I enter their annual short story competition and achieve third place. So someone is of the opinion that I can write a bit! The next year I come first and am thus encouraged to try other competitions and women's magazines. I also extend my repertoire to scripts for stage and television.

At last it is finished! But is it long enough to be called a novel? I do a count – 77,000 words. How long should it be? I do some comparisons. Some of these 2-inch thick blockbusters are obviously a heck of a lot more. But what about some of the classics? I get out my trusty Thirty Nine Steps and notice it is only about 100 pages. What's that? Barely 50,000 words? I remember I read it in an afternoon. Not bad for a book that has spurned three films and a television adaptation. (None of which has been true to John Buchan by the way – maybe there's another article there).

Now what to do? Back to the magazines and the overwhelming consensus of opinion appears to advocate going down the agency route. So it's back to the library and trawling through Writers' and Artists' Yearbook. I end up with half-a-dozen likely candidates and eagerly post the first three chapters and a covering letter to the first one. A few weeks later back comes the standard rejection letter. To be honest I didn't expect any other outcome. From what I can gather it takes several attempts to get accepted. A friend gives me encouragement (?) by informing me that the script for Four Weddings And A Funeral was rejected over ninety times. It seems I may have a long way to go.

Five more rejections without a word of feedback and I'm beginning to wonder if there is much call for straightforward historical adventure stories these days so I decide to do a bit of research. It is almost time for our annual holiday and my wife has stocked up on her poolside reading. I pick up a Corgi paperback and peruse the front cover. The words 'romp', 'racy' and 'fun' on the front cover blurb offer a clue as to the artistic content but I am not prepared for what two characters are doing to each other in the bedroom before I've reached the bottom of page four. Is this what it takes to sell books these days? What the hell. It's not what I ever intended to write but I decide to give it a go. I soon come up with a vague plot and begin to type. I continue my contemporary novel with pen and paper while on holiday and transfer it all to computer on my return. I find that the raunchy parts come to mind surprisingly easily. Being a qualified engineer with a logical mind I create a list of euphemisms for male body parts and a female equivalent list. I then just select different ones to use in different circumstances. A sort of pick-and-mix human anatomy.

Within a few months I have 86,000 words (I'm unemployed again by now). I still have doubts inasmuch as I have written what I think the market wants and not what particularly interests me. Nevertheless, it's complete, I enjoyed creating it and I go back to the Yearbook. One rejection later I'm still waiting to hear from my second targeted agent.

2010-03-25T03:14:00.000-07:00

Yet another rejection letter lands in my lap. That's two this week. Still, another two have gone out to redress the balance. Done my Writers' Club homework so I'm more-or-less up to date with my writing.
It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all.
Edward de Bono

2010-03-20T02:36:00.000-07:00

Another rejection letter lands in my postbox.
Time for another morale-boosting quote.
Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid.
John Keats

2010-03-16T05:29:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day:
You must keep sending work out; you must never let a manuscript do nothing but eat its head off in a drawer. You send that work out again and again, while you're working on another one. If you have talent, you will receive some measure of success – but only if you persist.
Isaac Asimov

2010-03-12T01:49:00.000-08:00

I'm now well on the way to finishing the two stories based on my sister-in-law's recollections. Thanks to womagwriter for giving me the kick to get them down on paper. Also finished my Writers' Club homework. I can get on with my novel now. Plus all the other ideas for scripts, sketches, musicals etc. No shortage of ideas - just time.
Quote of the day:
Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
Sir Winston Churchill

2010-03-09T01:09:00.001-08:00

Thanks to womagwriter for encouraging me to get on and write that story anyway. My sister-in-law actually told me some other stuff which happened about fifty years ago. I ought to get that down as well before someone beats me to it!
Writers' Club last night. We are currently in the middle of a 'follow that story' project. This is where we each compile the first paragraph of a story and then pass it on to the next member to continue the plot for the next meeting. Eventually each story gets back to the originator who has to finish it off. My homework this week is to continue a story about a couple having a baby which the man knows might not be his. They also have to contend with his disapproving parents.
Plenty to do - I'd better get on with it!

Opportunity

2010-03-08T03:04:00.000-08:00

A news item today claims that German cycling tours of Britain in the years before WWII were actually covers for spying operations by Hitler Youth. My sister-in-law told me this story a while ago. She says they came to Tamworth in Staffordshire which is where I grew up.
I had intended to use this as the basis for a short story but, now that it is in the public domain, it won't have the same originality and impact.
Damn!
Just goes to show - you should grab your opportunities when you can.

My Profile

2010-03-07T07:30:00.000-08:00

Building up my profile bit by bit. Don't really like talking about myself. Prefer to let my work speak for itself.
Hoping to post some good ideas and interesting bits and pieces on here.

The title of my blog is taken from a Walt Disney quote. 'If you can dream it, you can do it'.

I like quotes. Might feature a quote of the day on here. How's that for a good idea?

Virgin Blogger

2010-03-07T03:06:00.000-08:00

Just created this blog today.
Watch this space for more news.